Solomon & Associates
Bob Villa and Mall Shuttles
1 Kings 11:1-6

 In the story of Solomon’s life, the Bible spends a lot of words telling about all the complexes that Solomon built. The Jerusalem temple, magnificent homes, walled cities—the guy visited Home Depot more than Bob Villa. He even built cities just to store stuff. Storage cities.

You would too, if you had the queen of Sheba taking your thousand wives to the mall.

Solomon’s wife situation proves a numerical phenomenon. Since you can have only one honeymoon at a time with one woman, he would’ve had to have a wedding every other week—for 40 years. If his honeymoons lasted as long as mine did, Solomon spent only 20 weeks home per year. At any given time of the month, his palace held several hundred woman eating Rocky Road by the ladle full, 700 mothers-in-law, a thousand eyes asking, “Does this dress make me look fat?” (Even Solomon was stumped with the right answer to that one.)

Yeah, we all know the jokes. To be serious, though, what was Solomon thinking? Was he thinking? How in the world did the wisest man of all time get in that much trouble? You can’t accidentally marry twenty-three buses of virgins. He didn’t need them; it’s hard to believe he wanted that many.

Many scholars think they kept his treaties alive: princesses were often the collateral of truce pacts. Either the other kings pawned scores at a time, or Solomon discovered America long before Leif Ericson. There were not that many countries in the world. More than lust, more than peacekeeping—Solomon had an and problem.

He started out as a man with a heart for God and a little false-god-with-the-wife on the side. By the end of his life he was a false-god-with-the-wives guy with a little God on the side.

Like Samson, Solomon thought he could handle a little non-God stuff, since he lived an overall good life. At first, it was probably a honeymoon gift-idol too harmless to refuse, then the pretty Sidonian statue for the garden—until finally he’s got Moabite contractors asking him how many statue-pillars he wanted for the latest temple. “I don’t know; ask my wife.”

I struggle with anding things: the television remote, music that matches my sports car at stop lights, Christian swear words like crap and suck. “Hey, I’m a preacher’s kid, a Christian of 20 years, a Christian author. This won’t hurt just this once.”

Then one day I find a real swear word in the air, or my hand not waving a full quota of fingers through the sunroof on the way to church—and I sit stunned, left to ask myself, “How’d I get here?” My one-in-a-thousand wife looks at me and says, “Don’t look at me.”

Maybe that’s why the first of the Ten Commandments commands us to have no other gods before God. Not, “Have only lesser gods than me—and only behind me.”  No other gods. None. Nada. Not even if they‘re for the garden.

Word has it . . .
And you will seek me and find me, when you search for me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13.

Do you have anything that steals time, attention, or money from God’s work?

Is there a queen of Sheba you’re trying to impress with your idols?

Where do you hide your secret statues?

Are you willing to divorce some pastimes?

When was the last time you asked God for wisdom?

© 2003: nonymous, ink.
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Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture texts are from the New American Standard Bible, © The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977.